Ray Romano’s Advice for Dads

Celebrity dads go through the same grind as any first-time dad, including having fatherhood jitters. Ray Romano admits that he was no different. In his recent appearance on the Today show, Ray confessed to Matt Lauer that he was so nervous after his first child was born that he couldn’t get anything right.

The Everybody Loves Raymond star remembered the birth of his daughter Alexandra over 19 years ago, which led to his first dad debacle, followed by his first lesson in parenting as well.

“My daughter was born at St. Vincent’s Hospital right here in New York,” he says. “I went to pick them up, my wife and child, and [with my] newborn baby in my arms, [I] go outside [and say], ‘Where’s my minivan?’ I parked in a tow-away zone so we had to go to Queens in a yellow cab. My daughter came home in a yellow cab.”

Ray and his wife Anna are also parents to 16-year-old twins Matthew and Gregory, and Joseph Raymond, 11. The 51-year-old star admits that raising four kids has made him wiser. He has some very good advice for dads, “My advice is just let the woman tell you where to go and what to do.”

Ray Romano is also the voice of the mammoth, Manny, in Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs, which is now in theaters.

Smart Ways to Deal with a Dirty Diaper While Out Shopping

It is a scenario dreaded by most new dads. You are out, maybe enjoying a nice afternoon’s shopping with your baby and your baby chooses just this time to poop. You’ve been lucky up until now and you’ve either avoided the task entirely or only had to make the change in the baby nursery with all the accoutrements around you.

When the baby goes, many a dad will pause for a minute and wonder whether you couldn’t’ just ignore it for a half an hour, or the time to get home. However, pooping a diaper and wetting a diaper are two very different things. If the baby is crying due to a dirty diaper, that screaming will only get louder and more insistent. You need to take action fast. Here are some tips if you’re never been caught with a diaper emergency outside of the house.

• First of all, never leave the house for more than five minutes without carrying a spare diaper. Babies have an instinct about pooping at the worst times. If you are out and really can’t either buy diapers or get home quickly, you have no choice but to admit you’re a horrible, lousy excuse for a father and find a mom to ask for a spare. She’ll probably smile patronizingly at you and you’ll have to suck it up to get the goods. Dads also have been known to wipe the baby thoroughly with toilet paper and then wipe again with wetted tissue and stuff the baby back into her clothes minus a diaper. This is a recipe for another wet disaster, but can be used in a pinch. Better a wet baby than a dirty baby.
• Keep an extra changing pad in the car or your bag. Believe me, you do not want to set your baby out on a dirty restroom floor or risk getting poop all over another surface, like your car upholstery or carpet. Baby poop smells and is hard to clean.
• Locate a place where you can easily do what is required. Large stores often have changing stations equipped for you to do the job. Otherwise, locate a baby section or store where the staff and other shoppers are not likely to raise eyebrows if you settle yourself in their midst to change your baby’s diaper.
• If you have a stroller, use it to lay your baby in to change the diaper.
• You can also use the back seat in your car or the back of a station wagon to lay your baby down while you change the diaper.
• Carry a zip lock bag to store the dirty diaper before you can discard it.

Frugal Living Tips for New Dads

With a recession in full swing, and the possibility of more to come, new dads have to figure out how to cut costs even with a baby on the way. Here are a few frugal living tips:

1. Don’t fall for the temptation to buy every electronic gizmo that might help you take care of your baby. Human beings for millions of years have done without the latest gadgets and done just fine. Babies need food, changing, love, and attention. You’ll get far more value out of just “spending time” with your baby, rather than spending money on videos and stimulating electronic toys.
2. Make a list of all the items you’ll need for your nursery. Talk to other parents and show them this list to find out what was really necessary, in what turned out to be a waste of money. The results may surprise you.
3. Make sure friends and family are aware that you are neither too modest or too proud to take hand-me-downs. Almost everyone shares slightly used clothing, baby paraphernalia, and lots of baby books with parents who are just a few months behind on the baby curve. Make sure that friends with kids just a few months older than yours know that you love to get their hand-me-downs.
4. Shop eBay and other used sites for discount items. You’ll be shocked at a price of baby merchandise at the store, but used prices might be significantly less expensive.
   Start buying things for baby as early as possible. If you arm yourself with your trusted list, you can take advantage of sales on specific items. Watch for grocery store sales on diapers and formula and stock up even before the baby arrives.
5. Trying to check your brand-consciousness when you shop. Your baby is truly one person in your life who won’t care what logo he wears on his polo shirt.
6. Into your friends that you’d really like a baby shower. Baby showers are great for getting things that you might not buy it for yourself, and also things that other parents know you will need to have.
7. Don’t forget the library for parenting books. There are also local community “toy libraries” where you can check out toys for short periods of time.

Never forget that babies and kids need your time and love are more than they do cool toys and accessories.

Know More About Postpartum Depression In Dads

Postpartum depression is traditionally thought to affect exclusively moms as they are the ones who go through the most significant changes in their bodies and their psyches. However, it is common among dads too. In fact, a recent study published in the August 2006 issue of the journal Pediatrics, reports that about ten percent of all fathers in the U. S. are affected by postpartum depression.

Symptoms of postpartum depression in dads may include:

• Strong feelings of emptiness or sadness
• Tendency to withdraw from others such as family and friends
• Feelings of failure
• Suicidal thoughts

Dads who suffer from postpartum depression:

• Exhibit reduced positive interaction with their babies.
• Are less likely to read stories, talk, or sing to their babies.

Additionally, babies whose parents both suffer from depression are:

• Fussier and less well-socialized
• Less likely to be put on their backs to sleep-this is important as it helps prevent the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).
• Less likely to be breastfed.
• More likely to be put in bed with a bottle-a practice linked with tooth decay and ear infection.

Possible reasons for postpartum depression among dads include:

• Increased responsibilities
• Financial worries
• Feelings of entrapment
• Loss of freedom

Dads can avoid postpartum depression by:

• Watching for symptoms that signal depression such as increasing irritability or hostility.
• Discussing their problems with a doctor or a counselor who can deliver diagnosis and treatment for the same.
• Sharing their feelings with their spouses.

You are truly ecstatic about the impending birth of your baby. But, deep down, you are also grappling with fears regarding your new status as a father. Read some of the emotions many new fathers feel.

Keeping the Passion Alive Post-Fatherhood

Most couples find that the passion in their relationship dies down as time goes by and once kids come along, it can be difficult to remember what the word means.

Insomniac babies, hyperactive toddlers who want their mom and dad out of bed by 06:00 and sheer exhaustion can put a real dampener on parents’ sex lives, but couples are no longer accepting that it has to be this way.

Seattle PI notes that there is now a wealth of expert advice out there for keeping the spark alive after fatherhood, such as Douglas Brown’s ‘Just Do It: How One Couple Turned Off the TV and Turned On Their Sex Lives for 101 Days (No Excuses!)’.

The newspaper spoke to the author and he noted that many people have realized that “sex is important” after seeing their parents’ marriages decline and fail once the romance was lost.

Meanwhile Kimberly Ford, the author of ‘Hump: True Tales of Sex After Kids’, notes that parents are aware that they cannot “have it all”; that juggling kids, work and a “white-hot sex life” is not always possible without a little extra effort.

Pamela Jordan, an associate professor in the department of family and child nursing at the University of Washington, suggested a few hints for couples to regain their mojo, beginning by taking care of themselves in terms of resting, exercising and eating healthily.

She also suggests that parents recognize the difficulties of spontaneous sex once kids are in the picture and schedule some time for intimacy.

Finally, Kimberley Ford told Seattle PI that parents should attempt to prioritize their sex life once in a while, rather than letting household chores, kids, or the latest baseball game take precedence.

In terms of when it is ok to recommence intercourse after the baby has been born, this depends on individual circumstances, but it has generally been recommended that couples wait for six weeks before putting this expert advice to good use.

Ten Most Surprising Questions for a New Father

Despite all the reading and preparation, nothing can quite prepare you for the feelings you’ll have during the first few weeks after delivery. Here are some of the emotions many new fathers feel:

What is this feeling I have for this baby? Is it love?

Up to now, you’ve known romantic love or love for a parent or sibling. Nothing is the same, though, as the love you feel for this part of you that is now your responsibility.

Why don’t I feel about the baby the way my wife does?

While you may have these strong protective feelings toward your new baby, you may not understand why you don’t seem to bond the same way mom does. Don’t worry; dads develop a relationship with babies at their own pace, and the type of daddy-child bond you are imaging will develop over the next few years, and usually not immediately.

Why do I feel jealous about a ten-pound baby?

Not me! I’d never be jealous of a little baby. You may be surprised though when you get very few of the kisses and your wife no longer has time to make you feel special. This is a shock to many dads and a potential source of stress if you’re not aware of it.

Why do I feel depressed? What have I done? How did I get here? When will it end?

After the baby comes home, the flowers and gifts quit coming and the extra help has left, it’s normal to have a reaction to the setting in of a new reality. You’re not getting enough sleep and facing an endless rhythm of diapers and feeding, and meanwhile you’re back at work, wondering how you’ll ever keep up.

Am I really meant to be a dad? Was this a complete mistake?

It’s completely natural to stare at your new baby and wonder I you’ll be the dad you want to be, if you feel strongly enough to be the person you want to be.

Why I am so on edge? Is it fear?

Of course, it’s fear. Until this moment, you only had to really worry about yourself since your wife can most likely take care of herself.

Now you have to face up to many fears at the same time. Will you be a good enough father? Can you protect your child from all the dangers, real and imagined, in the world? Do you have enough financial security? Will you always be here for him or her? This is perfectly normal and part of the transition to becoming a dad.

Will I still love my wife now that she’s a mom?

Your wife may be a few pounds heavier now. Sex might not be something she’s interested in anymore, at least for now. She might even strangely remind you of your own mother. For some men, their feelings about their spouse intensify during pregnancy, but for others, it’s a shock. It reminds them they are no longer young or free to do as they choose, and that can itself be very frightening. There is no good answer here except that you have to come to terms with your new role as a partner and provider.

Having a baby, in the best of situations, is a decision you make because you’re ready for the major changes it entails. If you’re having a baby in less than perfect circumstances (it’s unexpected), this doesn’t change your responsibility once you’ve decided to have the baby together.

Most couples find that after kids they have to reestablish the intimacy they had before the baby. Many do this through planned “date nights” or eventually, even weekends away. You’ll find that you will have to schedule time to be together to keep a real relationship going.

Why doesn’t the baby like me?

First of all, little babies don’t give a lot of feedback to anything, so don’t sweat it. Pretty soon, though, you’ll be getting a nod and a smile. You’ll have to keep your expectations low however. The first few years are really about mommy. But don’t worry, if you’re there early on, you’ll have a very strong relationship to build from when this time changes.

Are we becoming our parents?

Join the club – very soon, you’ll find yourself an hour into a discussion about strollers, diapers, feedings, and bottles and wonder to yourself what happened. Didn’t you agree with your wife that you would never become one of “those people”? It’s hard to avoid these topics since the baby and his needs are going to be running your life for at least the next three to four years.

Does it have to be so complicated?

It’s usually the dad who wonders why mom has to have everything on a list, everything in its place, and everything on a schedule. That’s why dads get a lot of teasing for arriving at the playground without extra formula or diapers. With a little practice, though, dads get the hang of what’s really important. It doesn’t need to be complicated but you do have to prepare for feedings and diapering or you’re in big trouble. Keep those two things always in mind and most of the rest will usually follow.

Five Parenting Skills Necessary for New Dads

While being a dad may look daunting, unpleasant, demanding or frightening to the uninitiated, nothing can prepare you for how you’ll feel when it’s your baby. Before our first, my wife wanted to borrow someone else’s baby for a weekend to “try it out.”

Luckily, I nixed that idea or I’m afraid the experience would have kept us childless forever. Someone else’s child is bratty, stinky, demanding, squawking, a noisy nuisance …all of these things and sometimes at once. But your own is the little thing you’re sworn to protect. So, given that your attitude changes when it’s your baby, what parenting skills are most necessary?

Patience

Probably the greatest parenting skill is the one that keeps you from screaming or throwing a baby across the room when he has been crying for a few hours straight. The good news is that being a dad puts a lot into perspective and places where you lost your cool before are easier to manage. Never downplay your own anxieties if you feel you can’t control your emotions. Everyone has moments where they think they might lose it. If you think you are about to do something dangerous, call for help immediately.

Sense of humor

Keep laughing through all of it and repeating that it’s short and will end soon, and you’ll be surprised at how quickly diaper changing becomes a mere memory. Parents who are able to laugh when their hands are knuckle deep in a diaper genie are better able to weather the stress of sleepless nights and the drudgery of feeding-wiping-washing-swaddling.

Consistency

Despite how babies seem to rule the house from the moment you bring them home, they actually thrive on consistency in routines. If you feed them and give them naps at the same time every day, they will be more secure and cry less. As they grow older, more routine (brushing teeth, family meals, daily piano practice and so on) gives them structure. Too much choice is hard for littler kids. This puts a big responsibility on parents who need to be present to “nag” about all the things kids need to focus on. There is a big payoff. Older kids appreciate this effort.

Real skills out of a book

Changing a diaper, making formula, installing a car seat – all of these things take real learning to accomplish and do over and over again. The early baby years are all about learning a ton of new information and studying small print to build things for your baby or even feed him the right amount of medicine.

Love and affection

Whether you call it a parenting skill or not, love and affection is the most important thing for your newborn baby. Many studies indicate that physical contact between parent and child is important for development. Dads, because they will engage in down on the floor “rough and tumble play,” play an especially important role in developing kids growing social skills. You’ll hear many people challenge this idea and suggest that babies need to be “toughened up” by letting them cry themselves to sleep or even go without a bottle to stay on a rigid schedule. This is plain wrong. While some animal babies are able to fend for themselves very quickly after they are born, the human baby is meant to be nurtured and protected for quite some time after birth. For example, human baby brains alone are only half the size they will be just one year after birth. Some say human babies complete gestation period should really be 21 months, combining nine months in the womb and another 12 months after birth. Babies need physical attention as much as possible during this time period, as well as for many years beyond. There is no such thing as loving a child “too much.”

Luckily for you, many of these parenting skills come naturally to new dads if you’re able to grow with the role of being a dad.

Experiences of a New Dad: Some Practical Advice

As a dad, sometimes it’s hard to know what to do with a newborn, especially if when you’re new to all this. Don’t let the awkwardness get in the way of spending time getting close to your new little guy or girl.

Here are a few fun things dads can do that you might try:

1. Strip the baby down to nothing or a diaper and lay him or her on a white sheet or blanket. Grab your camera and set the exposure controls to the smallest aperture possible – f12 or f16. Take a good inventory of the baby body parts (with obvious exceptions). With the smallest exposure setting, only what you are directly focusing on will be in focus in the shot.

2. Take pictures of your baby naked held in the palm of your hand. The window of opportunity for this is small so does it now. If you don’t, a year from now you’ll be at a party and see this kind of photo hanging in someone’s hallway and you’ll regret the opportunity that will never come again.

3. Strip down to the waist and enjoy the sensation of a newly bathed baby lying on your chest. This is the closest we can get to what moms feel, and it’s not half bad. I wouldn’t do it every day, but it’s not bad. You will feel closer to your child than you did moments before, if only because you literally are closer to him.

4. Go for a stroll anywhere with the baby in a baby Bjorn, and enjoy the unique feeling of being a new dad. Everyone else will know you are as well.

5. Fall asleep with baby on your chest (just make sure mom is around to remove him in case you roll around).

6. Read a book to your baby. Love for books and reading starts early with experience and role models.

And some things not to do:
1. Resist the temptation to set your newborn baby in a salad bowl or flowerpot. You’ll feel very guilty about the frightened look they get when you make fun of them.

2. And seriously, never, ever leave the baby unattended on counter, changing table, or in the bath, even for just a moment.