Different Parenting Skills May Be a Thing of The Past

Moms and dads are usually considered to have inherently different sets of parenting skills.

Traditionally it has been thought that women are better at multi-tasking, remembering how their offspring like their packed lunches or when their swimming club is, while men are supposedly more adept at playing with their kids.

Although that is beginning to change as more dads stay at home to look after their children, generally the roles simply reverse.

However, there is now a new trend emerging for parents to be partners in raising their children, working equal hours, taking equal responsibility for the home and spending equal time with their kids.

The New York Times reported on this phenomenon earlier this week. It spoke to Jessica DeGroot, founder of the ThirdPath Institute, who said: “Women entering the work force changed the work force far more dramatically than it changed things back home.”

Parenting skills and responsibilities are still divided in American homes even if the mother goes to work, as are household duties. Recent figures from the University of Wisconsin show that in households where both adults work, the wife does 28 hours of housework while the husband does 16.

In a bid to change this unfair dynamic some couples are forging a different path, embracing equal parenting in a bid to share the load.

It may not work for anyone, but this is likely to be a growing trend among modern families, particularly as a recent survey suggested that many American dads would be willing to take a pay cut in order to spend more time with their children.

How 50 Year Old Dads Think Different Fatherhood Prospect

For most men, the prospect of fatherhood jolts them out of their Carefree Romeo days. While some dads may not receive the impact during pregnancy, their world goes topsy – turvy the moment they find themselves holding the newborn. The transformation does not end there. The journey to parenthood after that continues to have a greater impact upon men’s sense of purpose and meaning in life than any other transition that they face. The impact is greater on younger dads because they are still kids themselves. They are faced with this challenge when they still in the process of building their own sense of identity. Fatherhood also comes to them at a time when they are at a crucial stage of building their career and finances.

Fatherhood, therefore, leads younger dads to end up thinking about their lost sense of independence. They now feel fenced in by the responsibility of fatherhood. Secondly, because they may not have yet built a strong financial base, they are faced with the prospect of making ends meet with the increased expenses.

Older dads tend to worry before childbirth, fearing complications like autism, which are more likely for older dads. However, once the child is born and the baby is normal, older dads are better prepared to take on the role of a dad. They are at a stage when they have mastered the skills of interdependence, and therefore have no fear of losing their independence. Older dads also tend to be better off financially, having concentrated on their career in their younger days. Their focus, therefore, is usually on how they can be great dads to their kids.

Researchers have found that older dads are more involved in child rearing compared to younger dads. This provides a great advantage to kids. It has been found that children of involved dads mostly do well in life. Such kids usually have greater self-esteem, more confidence, greater sense of security, better ability to handle stress, and the ability to empathize. Older dads are also more nurturing, warmer, and more generous with affection. Some of their gentleness may be do to a drop in testosterone levels, but regardless, they are mellower, more relaxed, and appear to be much calmer in their parenting. Researchers have also found that older dads are three times more willing and more likely to share in the daily child rearing tasks, including diaper changes, feeding the toddler, and putting the kids to bed.

The Technical Side of Book Creation

Once the book is written and the illustrations are done, dads need to publish the book so that it can go on the shelf along with the other books in children’s home library. Perhaps, children can even have a special place on the shelf for the books they wrote themselves.

There are many ways to make self-created books, ranging from the cheap and easy to the expensive and time-consuming. Some printing shops will be happy to help us, but why not save money by doing everything ourselves with the children?

Here are some areas to consider:

• Photos: These can be used instead of or in addition to drawings.

• Collage: Another alternative to drawing is to cut out pictures and make a collage.

• Paper: Thicker paper will last longer and colored paper will add variety.

• Printing: Computers offer a wide range of fonts, font sizes and colors, not to mention graphics that come with basic computer software or can be downloaded from the Internet. In addition, dads can print the words on computer, leave space for drawing, and then children can add drawings or other graphics, such as cutouts from magazines, by hand.

• Covers: These should be especially strong and durable. For example, dads can reuse cardboard. In addition, they can use thick plastic for the cover.

• Binding: Many easy ideas can work as below:

a. The simplest thing to do is to make a book by folding a piece of paper.

b. Equally easy is to put several pieces of paper together and use staples along the left side of the paper.

c. Bookshops and stationery shops offer folders and files.

d. Another popular idea is to punch holes along the left side of the paper, thread colorful yarn through the holes and then tie the pieces of yarn. Metal rings can also be placed through the holes.

Teaching About Language Through Reading Aloud

When dads read aloud to them, children are learning many different things. They are learning about the world, they are learning to love books and reading, and they are learning about language. This learning about language occurs mainly as children hear, see and understand the language as it is used. This is a kind of subconscious learning that takes place naturally. Dads do not need to do anything special. They just have a good time on the read aloud journey that we and the children have embarked on.

No need to push the teaching, it happens naturally

However, in addition to this subconscious, natural language learning that goes on during reading aloud, dads can also promote conscious language learning by calling children’s attention to specific language features in the book or whatever that they are reading aloud. Before explaining some ways to do this teaching, let us emphasize caution. Do not overdo the teaching. Keep reading aloud enjoyable. Please.

What to teach

What dads teach will depend on the reading level of the children they are reading to. Also, in addition to their ideas about language points to raise, dads should respond to children’s questions about language. Here are some language features they can teach while reading aloud:

* Individual letters, spelling and phonics

* If the book has rhymes, dads can talk about rhyming and encourage children to make up more rhymes of their own

* Punctuation, such as after they have read aloud a question, dads can talk about question marks and why they are used instead of full stops

* The parts of a book, for example, stories normally begin with a setting that tells readers about who is involved and where and when the story takes place, followed by some kind of conflict that confronts the main character(s), and finally a resolution of some kind to the conflict

* Grammar, for example, noticing why past tense is used in some places while present tense is used in other places in the book or in other book

* Vocabulary, for example, in Hazel’s Puppy, a page at the end of the book lists six words and definitions which dads could highlight while reading.

Beginning a Read Aloud Session

The key point is: Dads should not just turn to Page 1 and jump in. They should set the mood first.

Many simple things can be done to set the mood for a book. Just taking a minute to talk about the topic of the book, may increase children’s interest in the book and also build their knowledge of the book’s context.

For instance, if the story is about mangoes, before reading, they might eat a mango with the children. Before reading a story about kites, dads can talk to the children about their experiences flying kites or seeing them flown. If the book is about an animal the children might not know, such as an ox, it might be useful to show the children pictures of oxen on the cover of the book or on an inside page, and tell them a bit about oxen.

Dads can start by reading and maybe discussing the book’s title. Titles may give children a useful preview of what is in store for them as they listen to the book. Also, if children know the book’s title, it is easier for them to talk about the book and to ask for it again.

The cover may or may not give clues about what lies ahead. Dads might want to ask children to look at the cover and guess what the book is going to be about. This is a good way to promote prediction skills. Plus, children learn about the importance of covers. This can be useful if children design their own book covers as a follow-up to reading aloud or to create their own read aloud materials. Children can design alternative covers for a book they enjoyed or a cover for their own books.

Sometimes dads will want to highlight the authors of books. If they have found some interesting information on a book’s author, they can share that. By showing authors (and illustrators) as people, dads can give children the idea that books don’t grow on trees; they are written by people, and maybe the children can be writers too. Many children’s authors have their own websites, or their publisher’s website may contain interesting information about the authors.

Give Children a Choice for Read-Aloud Books

One phrase to keep in mind is “Follow in order to lead.” In other words, dads need to observe and listen to children in order to better lead them to enjoy reading. One way to follow children in order to lead them is to involve them in choosing the books that you read to them. A good starting place is to consider what books the child has enjoyed in the past. Some children, such as Wan Inn’s two oldest children Joanne and Julian, would read anything that they could lay their hands on, and any place was a good place to read – from the bedroom to the restroom – with books hidden strategically in the restroom and bedroom closet for reading.

Other children may only be interested in books on a particular topic, in a particular series or by a particular author. Don’t worry if your children exhibit strong preferences and aversions. Dads should be happy that the children are reading even if they are stuck reading a particular type of book. After a while, they can influence them to try something new by reading aloud a different type of book. Jason, Wan Inn’s youngest, was only interested in books on insects and other animals. It was a challenge to try and influence him to read other types of books or read aloud to him other types of books. However, perseverance is the key and one may be pleasantly surprised to find the child curled up reading an unexpected book. With Jason, this happened in his early teens when he suddenly became interested in books awarded the Pulitzer or Booker awards!

Give books a pilot test at the library or bookstore by reading aloud a bit of it so that you and the children can judge your reaction to the book. This pilot testing prepares children for the day when they will be choosing books on their own for silent reading.

Letting children have a voice boosts their self-esteem and gives them a feeling of control. Additionally, children will be more eager to listen to books that they had a hand in choosing. If dads feel that children have not chosen wisely, they can gently inform them of why they believe a particular book is not the best choice.

If dads think a child will like a particular book, they should show enthusiasm for it and explain why you like the book and why you think the child will like it. Their enthusiasm for that particular book and for reading in general can be infectious.

Books can be selected based on something that happened during the day or something that is coming up in the children’s lives. For instance, reading the book My Art & Craft Class before children go to such a class for the first time prepares children for the new experience and may overcome their fears.

Many Types of Read Aloud Books to Choose From

There are many types of books. The key point when deciding what types of books to choose is: Introduce children to a variety of books. In this way, we widen their horizons. Here are some book types to consider.

Story books

When most dads think of reading aloud, they think of story books. These come in many types including folk tales, fairy tales, series about one character, adventures, mysteries, scary stories, and tales of growing up.

What about comic books? Don’t say no to comics without looking at some. Many people who today are excellent readers, as well as some famous writers, started off reading comics. What is good about comics? The pictures help children understand the words, the exciting plots motivate children to want to know what comes next and the fact that most comics come in series, such as Spiderman, gives children much more to read after they finish one comic book. Wan Inn’s son Julian took a big step toward learning French by reading the French version of the Astrix comic book series.

Yes, there are some junk comics, full of violence and other types of content may not want children to be reading. However, many other types of books (not to mention movies and television programs) contain the same type of content. At the same time, many educational texts can be found in comic book form.

Also, just because a book has drawings does not necessarily mean the book is easy to read. Comic books and other illustrated book can be for older children and adults. For example, the main character in Kayla & the Magical Tree is a pre-teen, and the book’s themes are probably beyond the comprehension of younger children.

Wordless picture books

Who says that a book needs words? Babies, toddlers, and even older children can enjoy books with only pictures or just a few words. Talk about the pictures. Make up your own stories. Also, many picture books are made of child-proof materials, such as heavy cardboard, that little hands can’t tear. Plastic picture kids books are great for reading in the bath!

Never Too Late to Start Reading Aloud

What if we did not read to children before they went to elementary school? Is it too late to start? No, it is never too late to start, even if the children are in secondary school. It may be more difficult to get started with older children, but the experience is just as rewarding for them and for us. Dads should start slowly and pay careful attention to finding material that matches the children’s interests.

Remember that reading aloud is a kind of advertisement. When dads read aloud to older children they expose them to new worlds and new types of reading material. We offer them reminders of the joy of reading or help them discover this joy for the first time. Throughout our lives, we can all use reminders of good habits we should continue to practice.

As children grow older, a generation gap can emerge leaving adults and children with very little in common. Reading aloud offers one way to bridge that gap. And, because older children are already reading, the reading aloud can go in both directions with them reading to us as well. Indeed, one form of service project that older children can do is to read aloud on visits to homes for the elderly.

Reading aloud ties in naturally with children and dads discussing what they are reading. For instance, perhaps we come across an interesting article in a newspaper or something surprising in a book. We announce to the children and adults who happen to be within hearing distance, “This is interesting.” Then, we read aloud for a bit. Afterwards, the floor is open for anyone to comment on what we have just read.

For instance, in the early 1990s, George was teaching secondary school in Honolulu. One morning, the front-page headline on the newspaper was that the famous basketball player, Magic Johnson, had been diagnosed with HIV. This was a shock for the class. George put aside the lesson he had prepared for the day and read aloud newspaper articles on the topic, as the class sat in rapt attention. Afterwards, students wanted to discuss what they had heard, giving George a chance to do a bit of AIDS education.

Dads Reading Aloud Builds Family Bonds

Read aloud time can be a special time in dad’s relationship with their kids. This time spent together can build an enduring bond. When small children sit in the dad’s lap or alongside dad as they read, they all enjoy the closeness. When we read to any children, small or large, the common stories and information we share create a bond of shared experience and knowledge.

Many of the best loved read aloud books are stories. Stories seem to be able to make a special connection with the human mind. They seem to have a special power to hold us under their spell and transport us to new places and new experiences, as well as to help us revisit familiar ground. By reading aloud, dads join children in feeling that spell and taking that journey.

In too many cases, the typical recreational activity that dads share with children is sitting in front of the television, otherwise known as the idiot box or the boob tube. When watching television, dads have little input into what takes place, other than adjusting the volume or changing the channel. In contrast, we share much more of ourselves with children as we read aloud to them. For example, we use different voices and ask questions about what occurs in the book.

As we read aloud, dads can talk about the book with children. This gives us insight into how they see the world and what is on their minds. This insight enables dads to better understand the children and to relate to them more effectively.

Reading aloud offers dads and moms an inexpensive way to spend time with children. An outing to the library is free, as long as we return the books on time, and even if we buy books, these can be shared and swapped with others. Even better, like a well-loved toy can be played with for years, books can be reread time and again. Even when children grow older, they can enjoy revisiting an old favorite, understanding it better and seeing it in a different light. Come on dad, what are you waiting for?

Dads Reading Aloud to Build Their Children’s Language Skills

When dads read aloud it not only helps promote reading skills. It also benefits all the other language skills for the child:

* Children’s listening skills improve via the practice they receive while listening to us read aloud.

* The listening that children do also helps pronunciation, because they hear the words pronounced and see the link between the letters (or characters) on the page and the way the word is pronounced. Pronunciation is learned in large part by repeatedly hearing a word. Reading aloud provides multiple opportunities to hear the same word pronounced.

* Dads reading aloud helps their kids learn the alphabet and phonics in context, rather than studying individual letters and sounds in a workbook. This contextualized way of learning is a more natural, more enjoyable approach, because children learn as part of reading not as a separate activity. It is the same for learning characters in a language such as Chinese.

* The main way that we learn to spell comes not by repeating spelling lists or learning spelling rules that are full of exceptions. The main way we learn to spell comes from visual memory. We see a word we have written and say to ourselves, “That doesn’t look right.” Then, we try writing the word a few different ways until it looks right. Children develop this visual memory by seeing the word many times in the books that dads read to them.

* It is much better to learn vocabulary by hearing a book read aloud than by studying a word list. In a book, the rest of the book provides a context that helps children figure out the meaning of words they do not know. This contextualized learning deepens children’s understanding of words they are learning, and they learn which words go together. The illustrations in some books also aid vocabulary learning. Plus, when dads read aloud to children, they are always there to assist them in figuring out what a word means.

* Reading skills and writing skills go together. Research shows that children who read well usually write well and vice versa. By building children’s reading skills, we are also helping their writing skills. Indeed, exposure to books helps improve children’s writing. Adults who write well were probably read to as children.

* Grammar is yet another element of language where exposure is key. Just as we use our visual memory to decide if a word is spelled correctly, we use our aural (hearing) memory to help us decide if a sentence is grammatical. Even if the sentence is written, we say it aloud to ourselves. When the sentence, “just doesn’t sound right,” we know that something may be wrong with the grammar. When dads and moms read aloud is a great way to provide children with a bank of correct sentences to use to check the grammar of sentences that they create themselves.

Finally, when dads read aloud, they draw children into discussions of what they are hearing. In this way, they not only receive language by listening to us and looking at the book, they also produce language when they converse with us. This language production helps them consolidate all the pronunciation, vocabulary, and grammar knowledge they have learned while dads are reading to them. So dads, what are you waiting for?